Quotes: Season 2

Wilson: "You know why people are nice to other people?"
House: "Oh, I know this one. Because people are good, decent and caring. Either that, or people are cowards. If I'm mean to you, you'll be mean to me. Mutually assured destruction."
Wilson: "Exactly.
House: "You gonna get to your point?"
Wilson: "You need people to like you."
House: "I don't care if people like me."
Wilson: "...Yes. But you need people to like you because you need people. Unless you think you can get the next court order yourself. If Stacy can't trust you, you can't use her. And that's not even dealing with the greater agenda of getting her to dump her husband and fall in love with you all over again."
House: "I know you're friends with her, but there is a code. Bros before hos, man."
House: "Wilson's a fool. I'm an idiot."
Wilson: "Two-wheeled vehicles that travel 150 miles an hour don't really go well with crippled, irresponsible, drug addicts."
House: "Actually two-wheeled vehicles that go 180 miles an hour do not go well with healthy responsible architects who don't know how to separate breaking and turning. Good news is, it brings the price right down."
Wilson: "You're taking it back."
House: [Mock whining] "Moooom! How about we talk about this over dinner."
Wilson: "Forget dinner, you're gonna kill yourself!"
House: "You'd rather have dinner with your wife?"
Wilson: "Yes, I would. If she were speaking to me."
House: [smiles] "Unlike her, I could make it worth your while" [leers]
Wilson: "Fine."
Wilson: "If you have the money then why did you need the loan?"
House: "I didn't. Just wanted to see if you could give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you lent me 40 dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see where you draw the line."
Wilson: [dumbfounded] "You're [splutters] you're trying to... objectively measure how much I value our friendship?!"
House: "Hey, it's 5 grand. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. So what do you say? One little phone call and one big cheque?"
Wilson: "Fine. Thanks. Now, be a grown-up and either tell mommy and daddy you don't want to see them, or I'm picking you up at 7 for dinner."
House: [shocked] "What do you mean? You just said that--"
Wilson: "I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you looked good unshaved, a year ago. It's a little experiment, you know, see where you draw the line."
House to Wilson: "I know you're in there. I can hear you caring."
Wilson: "This was no great sacrifice! You sent her away because you've got to be miserable."
House [turning on him]: "That kind of psycho-crap help get your patients through the long nights? Or is it just for you? Tough love make you feel good? Helping people feel their pain?"
Wilson: "You don't like yourself. But you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable."
Wilson: "How'd you get here?"
House: "By osmosis."
Wilson (as God): "House this is God."
House: "Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?"
Wilson (as God): "Let me check; aw, I got a plague. What about Friday?"
House: (Smiling) "You'll have to check with Cameron."
Wilson (as God): "Oh, damn it. She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time."
Wilson: "It's not all about sex, House."
House: "Really? When did that change? "
Wilson: "Does it occur to you that maybe there's some deeper guidance than keep your mouth shut? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That maybe... [he rubs his upper lip nervously] maybe I'm going through something that I need to have an actual conversation about?"
House: "Does it occur to you that if you need that kind of a friend, that you may have made some deeper errors."
Wilson: "Could I stay with you for a few days?"
House: "You idiot. You told her."
Wilson: "She told me. Things have been crappy at home lately, I figured I wasn't spending enough time with her. I figured... [angry sigh] Turns out you're right, it's always about sex. She's been having an affair."
[They stare at each other for a few seconds before House moves back and lets Wilson in]
House: "Want a beer?"
[Wilson smiles as he takes his briefcase and walks in and House shuts the door close behind him]
House: "You blow dry your hair?"
Wilson: "Oh, sorry, did I wake you up?"
House: "You blow dry your hair?!"
Wilson: "Excuse me for actually caring what I look like."
House: "I think the word you're looking for is obsessing. You've been at it for almost an hour."
Wilson: "If you wanted in, all you had to do is say so."
House: "I don't want in, I want sleep!"
Wilson: "It's about time you got up anyway, it's almost 9:00."
House: "This isn't gonna work."
Wilson: "What?"
House: "You. Staying here." [Taking Vicodin.]
Wilson: "You're kicking me out? After one night?"
House: "You think we should try counseling first? Why d'you want to sleep on a couch, anyway? You've got money. At least until the divorce is finalized."
Wilson: "I'll be out of your hair tomorrow. [as he leaves] What's left of it." [House goes to the mirror and fools with his hair.]
House: "Good Lord, what is that smell?"
Wilson: "Stuffed pepper."
House: "Stuffed with what? Vomit? "
Cameron: "Can you stop stuffing your mouth with pancakes for one second?"
House: "These aren't pancakes. These are macadamia nut pancakes. Wilson made them and they're amazing."
Wilson: "Enjoying the salad?"
House: "There's no lettuce."
Wilson: "I'm aware that there's no lettuce. Do you know when I obtained this knowledge?"
House: "Actually, I'm in the middle of -"
Wilson: "When I made it. For myself."
House: "Well, how was I supposed to know?"
Wilson: "Well, I was hoping this might tip you off." [points to cover, which has a post-it note on it that states: 'MY LUNCH DO NOT TOUCH!']
House: "That's kind of selfish, don't you think?"
Wilson: "I offered to make you some, you said no!"
House: "Ah, that was before I tasted the pancakes. It's a compliment, you should be flattered."
House: "Either you go all in or I tell everybody in the building that you're wearing toenail polish."
Wilson: "I'm all in."