Quotes: Season 4

Wilson: "Where's the restaurant?"
House: " What restaurant?"
Wilson: "The one you said you were taking me to for lunch."
House: "Oh. [points to one house] Uhh, this one's homier. Dibs on the cold pizza."
House: "What're you doing?"
Wilson: "There's a sale on Liquid Tide."
House: "If you're broke, I can lend you a tiny bit of the money I owe you."
Wilson: "No, no, I wouldn't put you in that position. What does the diary say?"
House: "It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances."
Wilson: "If it was, you'd be quoting, not summarizing."
Wilson: [melodramatic] "Did someone...kidnap your guitar?"
[House starts to look around the place.] Your twelve-thousand-dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?"
House: "Where'd you hide it?"
[Wilson holds up the newspaper to read it.]
Wilson: "I am flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant."
House: "Yeah, it takes a cr..."
[He stops, seeing pieces missing from Wilson's newspaper.]
House: "It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall."
House: "You win."
Wilson: "I don't believe you."
House: "I'm not gonna play this game. Just give me the damn résumés."
[He holds his hand out for the files. Wilson calmly moves to get them.]
House: "And my guitar."
Wilson: [innocently] "I don't have it. Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier."
[House turns and limps quickly over to Wilson's couch. He roughly moves it back and, finding nothing, turns to Wilson, an annoyed look on his face.]
Wilson: "Wow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews."
Wilson: [into phone, panicked] "Are you erasing my TiVo? [pleading] House, not the season finale!"
House: "I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes."
Wilson: "Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize."
House: "Bring-it-on."
Wilson: "This guy means business. Or guys. Could be, could be multiple… Could be multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows? All I can say is, this reeks of boldness."
House: "I am not hiring a team."
[He starts to walk outside.]
Wilson: "You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly?"
[House stops at the door.]
Wilson: "Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird… sound."
[House stares daggers at Wilson.]
Wilson: "Almost like a scream."
Wilson: "You fall in love, you get married. Fifty percent chance it'll end in misery. Hiring employees can be even tougher. Because you know, eventually, they're gonna leave."
House: "There's increased T2 signal on her hepatic capsule. [looking at Wilson] If you know what I mean."
Wilson: "You got hurt. Get over it."
Wilson: "You stole my patient."
House: "You kidnapped my guitar."
Wilson: "Give him back."
House: "Only when you give her back."
Wilson: "It's a 'she'?"
House: [scoffs] Well, it's certainly not a dude."
Wilson: [shouting] It's a guitar! You took a human being!"
House: "Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely."
Wilson: "What are you, listening for the distant sound of screaming?"
House: "The nurses know to call me."
Wilson: "They don't know who he is!"
House: "His name's right there on the chart. Now go away. I'm working."
Wilson: "I think you're going to choose people for reasons that have nothing to do with their skills. I think you're going to choose people just because you can't stand them. Because if you like them, well, that's just, stressful."
House: "Stress... I like it."
Wilson: "Everybody lies. Some for good reasons, some for bad. This would have been a fantastic reason to lie!"
House: (holds out his hand, exasperated) "Hi! Greg House."
Wilson: "Why can't you just let him have his fairy tale? If it give him comfort to imagine beaches and loved ones and life outside a wheelchair..."
House: (sarcastically) "Are there 72 virgins too?"
Wilson: "It's over. He's got days, maybe hours left. What pain does it cause you if he spends that time with a peaceful smile? What sick pleasure do you get in making damn sure he's filled with fear and dread?"
House: "He shouldn't be making a decision based on a lie. Misery is better than nothing."
Wilson: "You don't KNOW there's nothing. You haven't been there."
House: "Oh, God, I am TIRED of that argument! I don't have to go to Detroit to know that it smells."
Wilson: "Yes. Detroit. The Afterlife. Same thing."
Wilson: "I'm going to order up some extra pain meds."
House: "I love you."
Wilson: "You're quite impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?"
House: [snorts] "Who wouldn't be?"
House: "Yes, I needed a smug oncologist..."
Wilson: "An authoritative oncologist."
Wilson: "I am in charge of our relationship."
House: "It was a surgery. You were the surgeon. In that setting..."
Wilson: "You would pick up my laundry if I asked you to."
House: "Go ahead, ask."
Wilson: "Oh, I wouldn't do that to you. "
Wilson: [into phone] "Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin, or collapsed naked in front of your computer with an empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which, because Chase has another pool going."
House: [into phone] "They flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. How much...?"
Wilson:[into phone] "Hallucinations. Damn! I shouldn't have bet on the Viagra."
House: "She said something idiotic again and I didn't even notice it. It took Foreman to point out that it was idiotic. She's making ME an idiot."
Wilson: "That's cute. You have a crush."
House: "No, I think it's something systemic."
Wilson:: Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her."
House: "She killed a PATIENT."
Wilson: "The bitch is pretty."
House: "The bitch is a bitch."
Wilson: "Ask her out."
House: "The bitch? She's a BITCH."
Wilson: "No. The one that's making you an idiot. The story of life. Boy meets girl, boy gets stupid, boy and girl live stupidly ever after."
Wilson: "Well, you're protected. Foreman seems immune."
House: "You think he's gay?"
Wilson: "Did he become an idiot around Chase?"
Wilson: "Life just happens, and that scares the hell out of you!"
House: "You think you can cure pain!"
Wilson: [even louder] "You think you can avoid pain!"
Wilson: "You think you're responsible for every failure, every… patient's boring life, every friend's screwed-up... !"
Wilson: "You don't want to face it any more than my patient does! Dying's easy. Living's hard!"
[House smiles at the remark.]
House: "That can't possibly be as poignant as it sounded."
House: "It's child abuse."
Wilson: "Honesty?"
House: "There's a reason that everybody lies. It works. It what allows society to function, it's what separates man from beast."
Wilson: "Oh, I thought that was our thumbs."
House: "You wanna know every place your mom's thumb has been?"
Wilson: "I'm sorry I missed rehearsal. Am I taking the 'truth is good' side? Don't you usually take that part?"
House: "Lies are a tool, they can be used either for good...No wait, I got a better one. Lies are like children. Hard work, but they're worth it. Because the future depends on them."
Wilson: "You are so full of love...or something.When you care about someone -"
House: "You lie to them! You pretend that their constant ponderous musing are interesting. You tell them they're not losing their boyish good looks or becoming worn out."
Wilson: "I stand corrected and may I say, it's been a real pleasure chatting with you."
House: "I saw something amazing."
[Wilson looks at him, intrigued.]
House: "Pure truth. She told her mother that she was dying. Stripped her of all hope."
Wilson: "That sounds...horrible."
House: "It's like watching some...bizarre astronomical event that you know you're never going to see again."
Wilson: [unconvinced] You tell people the cold hard truth all the time. You get off on it."
House: "Because I don't care. She cared. She did it anyway. She did it because she cared."
Wilson: [nods sarcastically] "The angels of Christmas have finally given House a present he can appreciate."
House: "Oh, don't ruin it. Don't pin this on Christ, he's got enough nails in him."
House: "Why don't you take off that hat?"
Wilson: "It's Christmas! It's a reindeer."
House: "It's a moose, on a Jew."
Wilson: "Who cares?"
Wilson: "I have never heard you ask a patient that question. You've never asked me that question, and you've seen me fall down a flight of stairs drunk. You've slept with her."
House: "She's 9,000 miles away."
House: "I want to ask you about your girlfriend. I must know who she is or you'd have told me her name."
Wilson: "She doesn't have a name. It's some sort of birth defect."
House: "There's only about 12 people we both know. I can't remember five of their names, so we're down to... Cuddy...Your ex-wives..."
Wilson: "Your mama."
House to Wilson: "This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves... Oh, my God. You're sleeping with me."
Wilson: "House, you're right. Why not? Why not date you? I-i-it's brilliant. We've known each other for years, We've put up with all kinds of crap from each other, and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"
Cuddy: "You're not worried this relationship will fail. You're worried it'll succeed. That Wilson will no longer be at your beck and call 24/7. That your best friend will change."
House: "People don't change just because they wish they could."
Cuddy: "And it bugs you that he wishes he could! You'll never lose your friend, House. You're the long-distance runner of neediness."
Wilson: "My world could expand. I could form a long-term connection that isn't with you. And since you put the darkest possible construction on everything, you could end up losing a friend. You've thought of all this. And yet you're going along with it. Are you being... self-sacrificing?"
House: "I'll sacrifice... a lab rat. I'll sacrifice a fly. I'll sacrifice two hundred on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self."
House: "You'll tell her. She's your girlfriend, you should tell her."
Wilson: "You're my friend."
House: "It's not the same."
Wilson: "Don't sulk."