Quotes: Season 5

House: "I'm not saying you're not in pain."
Wilson: "You're saying my pain's a cliché."
House: "I'm saying that pain fades."
Wilson: "Did yours?"
House: "Physical pain is different."
Wilson: "I'd rather have my leg chopped off."
House: "Well, you don't know that 'cause you haven't felt -"
Wilson: "Neither have you."
Wilson: "I'd need a flow chart to explain all the ways in which that was ridiculously insensitive."
House: "You can't hide from misery."
Wilson: "This isn't your business."
House: "My skull was cracked open trying to save her!"
Wilson: "Then we all need a little tea and sympathy. I'm through discussing it."
Wilson: "I just need a change of scenery."
House: "Buy a plant."
Foreman: "There's nothing we can do?"
Wilson: "You could ask House to be a grown-up and respect my decision."
House: "I respect things that deserve respect. This decision, on the other hand, is a dog wearing a cape!"
House: "If I told you that I was sorry, would it change anything?"
Wilson: "I wouldn't believe you."
House: "If you believed me."
Wilson: "It's hard to imagine such a world."
House: "I'm going home...until you agree to stay at this hospital."
Wilson: "You can't be s...That's blackmail. And to do your job? Why not hold a gun to your own head?"
House: "Your conscience bleeds more freely than my head."
Wilson: "You'd jeopardize a patient because of my -"
em>House: "If it keeps you here. Your friendship matters more to me than this patient."
Wilson: "I've gotta do what's right for me. You've gotta do what's right for you."
House: "Yeah. But it comes easier for me."
House: "I'm sorry. I know I didn't try to kill her. I know I didn't want her hurt. I know it was a freak accident. But I feel like crap, and she's dead because of me."
Wilson: "I don't blame you. I wanted to. I tried to. I must have reviewed Amber's case file 100 times to find a way. But it wasn't your fault."
House: "Then we're okay? I mean, I know you're not, but... Maybe I can help."
Wilson: "We're not okay. Amber was never the reason I was leaving. I didn't want to tell you because...because I was trying, like I always do, to protect you. Which is the problem. You spread misery because you can't feel anything else. You manipulate people because you can't handle any kind of real relationship. And I've enabled it. For years. The games, the binges, the middle-of-the-night phone calls. I should have been the one on the bus, not -You should have been alone on the bus. If I've learned anything from Amber, it's that I have to take care of myself. We're not friends anymore, House. I'm not sure we ever were."
House: "I need an epiphany. What are you billing out at, $300 an hour? Here's four."
Wilson: "There are other oncologists."
House: "Better oncologists. But I need you. Let me describe the symptoms, problems, issues, and you say whatever you feel like saying, until something triggers an idea in my head."
Wilson: "That's not the way it works."
House: "You have a way of thinking about things. It's sloppy, it's undisciplined, it's not very linear. It complements mine. It drives me down avenues that I wouldn't otherwise -"
Wilson: "House, please go away."
House: "Cancer, but not cancer. Responds to cancer treatment, but there's no - [Wilson tries to close the door but House blocks it.] How are you?"
Wilson: "Don't do this. Please. Please. Don't do this. I'm trying to move on."
House: "By hanging out with Cameron, talking to Cuddy, Foreman, but not me. I...I paid a private investigator to spy on you."
Wilson: "You didn't."
House: "You want to move on from me, you got to deal with me, talk to me."
Wilson: "You had no right -"
House: "We're not friends anymore. There's no trust to be breached. I can have you followed, I can call you names, tell your secrets. Foreman did a CT. Temporal and frontoparietal regions are normal. Occipital lobe, normal."
Wilson: "I have the right to walk away from you, House. There's a world beyond you. You need to realize that, and even if you don't, I'm moving on. The next time you knock, I'm not answering."
House: "Nothing yet. Keep talking."
Wilson: "You know, those aren't just my car keys. My house keys are on there too. Amber gave me that key chain."
House: "No, she didn't. Not unless your pet name for her was 'Volvo'. A man who would lie about a gift from a dead girlfriend..."
Wilson: "Is probably responding to a childish, pointless act of petulance."
House: "The struggle to resist one's captors is never pointless. Vive la résistance!"
Wilson: "I'm not playing, House."
House: "You were protecting me. Anybody in their right mind would have ratted me out."
Wilson: "I was at the hotel bar trying to unwind, have a drink. There was this guy who kept playing Billy Joel's 'Leave a Tender Moment Alone' on the jukebox."
Costello: "Leave a Tender Moment is a good song."
House: "It's a great song. He was out of line."
Costello: "Not as good as 'Scenes from an Italian restaurant' or-"
Wilson: "So I - I asked the man to stop, politely."
House: "Yeah, you yelled politely."
Wilson: "I was polite the first couple of times, but courtesy made no impression on this ass. So I threw a bottle into the mirror, which successfully conveyed my message."
House: "And smashed a ten-foot antique mirror. And set an example to two other patrons who threw shot glasses."
Wilson: "I had nothing to do with that fight. The assault charge was totally bogus. And I paid for the mirror."
Costello: "I think I have the picture. I assume you're the guy who was playing the song."
House: "No, I was the guy who bailed him out."
Wilson: "That's how we met. I was in jail."
Costello: "This guy was a total stranger to you, and you bailed him out?"
House: "It was a boring convention. Had to have somebody to drink with."
Wilson: "And there's the foundation of our entire friendship. If you hadn't been bored one weekend, it wouldn't even exist."
House: "Hey, there were 3,000 people at that convention. You were the one I thought wasn't boring. That says something."
House to Wilson: "Oh, cut the crap. You enjoy what I do. I never had to force you. You like coming along for the ride"
House: "Admit it, you're angry and you're scared of losing me."
Wilson: "I'm not angry, I'm not scared."
House: "Admit it."
Wilson: "I'm not afraid."
House: "Admit it."
Wilson: "I've lost people. It happens."
House: "Admit it. Admit it!"
Wilson: "What are you, five? Stop repeating -"
House: "Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Come on, admit it. Admit it!"
[With a cry, Wilson picks up a liquor bottle and flings it - through a stained glass window. They both stare.]
House: "Still not boring."
House: "If you're coming back just because you're attracted to the shine of my neediness...I'd be okay with that."
Wilson: "I'm coming back because you're right. That strange, annoying trip we just took was the most fun I've had since Amber died."
House (about Wilson): He claimed he had a morning meeting at Mickey's Diner. Wilson loves Mickey's Diner. He has the French toast tower whenever he sets foot in the door. There's no way he would've come to work wanting more carbs. He lied to me. I need to know why.
House: I haven't sat on this couch for four months. It remembers my cheeks. I miss this.
Wilson: Me too. Me trying to work. You interrupting.
Wilson: So you're acting different too. You're scared. You are scared to get involved.
House: How is that scary? It's rational. Emotionally mature people who work together should not date. Guaranteed breakup. Guaranteed ugliness.
Wilson: Any relationship that doesn't end in a breakup ends in death. Everything falls apart in the end. That's your worldview. The corollary, which you keep forgetting, is that you have to grab any chance for happiness.
House: Why does this matter so much to you? Cuddy and I are fine. The only person getting worked up here is you.
Wilson: I don't want you to be fine. I want you to be happy.
House: I went to Cuddy's house. But I didn't go in. Went home without ringing either her metaphorical or actual bell.
Wilson: Huh.
House: You're processing.
Wilson: I'm scrubbing.
House: "Huh" means processing.
Wilson: "Huh" means acknowledging. If you prefer, I could say "ha," or "hmm," or -
House: No insights? No opinions? You're disappointed.
Wilson: You made the decision. I can't tell you what's right for you.
House: Seriously? 'Cause last week you could. Last year you could. Seems to come pretty easy to you.
Wilson: Do you want me to tell you what you should do?
House: I want you to stop thinking that acting inscrutable makes you anything other than annoying.
Wilson: Interesting.
House: You think that when you tell me what I should do, my instincts are to push back, so that by not telling me what you think I should do, I'll do what you think I should do.
Wilson: I sound convoluted.
House: Disengagement is neither artful nor effective.
Wilson: So my not doing anything isn't causing you to do anything?
House: Right.
Wilson: I'm okay with that.
House: No, you're not. You are designed to have opinions and to force them on people.
Wilson: I'm starting to sound desperate.
Wilson: You're an ass. But, a noble one.
House: I sound clever.
Wilson: Thank you.
Wilson: You're gonna be okay, House.
House: Good to know.
House to Wilson: Is this fun for you? Analyzing everyone else's fun away?
House to Wilson: You're a wuss - part wimp, part puss.
Wilson: I thought you had an orgy planned.
House: I lied.
Wilson: Don't you hate when they put the mushrooms underneath the cheese?
House: Your attendance is validating her hypocrisy. If she invited you to a ceremonial lynching, would you go?
Wilson: It would depend on what she was serving. Everyone's a hypocrite. Why are you suddenly so obsessed with Cuddy's particular brand?
House: Just making conversation. Would you rather we go back to talking about mushrooms and cheese?
Wilson:You're the hypocrite! You want to go! You don't resent this baby. You wanna be a part of it.
House: Yes, but not until her 16th birthday...in some states.
Wilson: This is ridiculous. You two deserve each other. If you wanna go, just go and act like a human being.
House: Wow, solid advice, except for two things. I'm acting like I don't wanna go because I don't wanna go, and I am incapable of acting like a human being.
House: Wednesday night. Low-down-blue-meanie versus the Incinerator.
Wilson: I can't.
House: Let me rephrase. Low-down-blue-meanie -
Wilson: I understand monster truck code. Do you understand "can't"?
House: Not when it follows "low-down-blue-meanie." Is the world coming to an end Tuesday night? Otherwise, Wednesday - Wilson: All right, it's not "can't." It's "don't want to." The fact is, I just don't like monster trucks.
House: Yes, you do.
Wilson: No, I don't.
House: You've always liked monster trucks.
Wilson: No, you've always liked them. I've tolerated them. Seriously, I can only watch so many hyped-up dune buggies crush so many motor homes without feeling the urge to go see La Boheme. And I hate opera too.
House: What are you hiding?
Wilson: I'm not hiding it. I'm saying it loud and proud. Death to monster trucks.
House: Anyone sitting here?
Wilson: Just my persona.
House: You know, it's amazing the way people cling on to insults. Or what they think are insults.
Wilson: So that wasn't an insult?
House: I'm not suggesting that, like our patient, you're hiding a dark, sarcastic core beneath a candy shell of compulsive niceness.
Wilson: I'm not always nice. I'm not nice to you.
House: Because you know nice bores me. Hence, still nice. No, I'm suggesting that you have no core. You're what whoever you're with needs you to be. Okay, I guess that could be insulting. The interesting question is why. Why do you think the world will end in chaos and destruction if you're not there to save it?
Wilson: Because the world revolves around you. I devote time to anyone else, you'd end up stalking me and harassing them.
House: You say that as though it wouldn't be fun.
Wilson to House: (angrily) Has it ever occurred to you that when I don't share something, it might not be meant as a challenge? It might just mean that I'd like there to be one molecule of my life that goes unexamined by Gregory House.
Wilson: House, you and I... We don't have the normal social contract. I don't expect you to tell me the lies -
House: I am fully capable of lying to you. I've lied plenty of times.
Wilson: I mean, collaborative lies. Giving someone a hand who maybe needs to deceive themselves, just a little. For two days I've been thinking about how Danny's gonna react when he sees me. If I said that to anybody else, they'd say, "don't worry, itíll all be all right." You wouldn't.
House: Because it might all go horribly wrong.
Wilson: Yeah. Yeah, it might.
House: In which case, you might want some company.
House: Does it bother you that we have no social contract?
Wilson: My whole life is one big compromise. I tiptoe around everyone like they're made of china. I spend all my time analyzing: What will the effect be if I say this? Then there's you. You're a reality junkie. If I offered you a comforting lie, you'd smack me over the head with it. Let's not change that.
House: Okay.
Wilson: No, see, this - if you were implementing the social contract, you'd say that, but only because... It makes me feel better...
House: It is kind of fun watching you torture yourself.
Wilson: You're starting to give a crap what other people think. Which is just another way of saying you give a crap about other people.
House: I'd love to hear more of your theory, but I don't give a crap.
House: You know what's more interesting than what I was doing? The reason you are so obsessed with what I was doing.
Wilson: Stop deflecting, House.
House: Says the deflector. The reason I was up there is the reason you're scared I was up there. I was checking out your dirty, little secret.
Wilson: I was wrong about you.
House: No, you weren't.
Wilson: You're in pain.
House: And you're romanticizing. Again.
Wilson: You worked with him every day for two years and you never saw this coming.
House: No one saw it coming.
Wilson: But you see everything coming. This has never been about what you missed. This is about why you missed it. You're terrified that you're losing your gift, losing...who you are. And I'm terrified of what youíd do then.
House: Gummi bears. You hate gummi bears.
Wilson: People can change.
House: No. And more importantly, I hate them.
Wilson:[smiling slightly] Oh, fine. Then I won't offer you any.
House: You manipulative bitch. [Wilson's smile gets much broader.] You're not suddenly eating healthy because you want to. You're eating healthy because you know I don't want to. I've been mooching food for ten years. Now, either it suddenly started bothering you this week or you're -
Wilson: Screwing with you. It needed to be done. After Amber died, I withdrew, tried to change everything, hoping I'd sort it out. Find some deeper truth. It was a mistake. I should have gone back to normal, to here and now, because thatís all we can every really count on. Things need to get back to normal in your life. And...what could be more normal than me screwing with you and you figuring it out?
House: [admiringly] You manipulative bitch.
Amber: That might explain why you're hallucinating. Doesn't explain why you're hallucinating Wilson's dead girlfriend.
House: Probably just my secret and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom.
Wilson: You never answered my question.
House: Relax. Our friendship is not doomed.
Wilson: Thank God. But my question was do you really want Cuddy or is this just another challenge?
House: You're worried that once I'm in a relationship, you and me'll be over.
Wilson: Hey, I'm actually for this. I think this is great. But if you're serious and you don't treat it seriously, then you will get hurt. And, if you don't accept that, then accept that she will get hurt.
House to Wilson: "Manipulation is in your genetic code. You think I'm making a mistake, you move in to correct it."